The time of an artist

I sit here in my bedroom, in my shared house in the middle of Leicester. Leicester is somewhere i don’t want to be right now, work isn’t something I want to be doing either but in the grand scheme of things I love the job that I do. The reason, at the moment, I don’t want to do it is because I don’t think in the manner that I wish to be thinking. I am a concept-based artist and as you may have guessed from the other blogs that I have on this site, exploring the nature of performance in a cyberspace world. Two things are always working in my mind and that is the board nature to which we begun to define performance in a techno-age (these things i wish to focus on). The other thing is the manner to which answers have already been made up on the premise of a reaction to the popular. This is a fair cop, most people that are interested in theatre are interested in it for the enjoyment aspect but where do we go from there. I know that I don’t know everything, in fact I know very little of the amount that i want to know, and this puts me in the minority even further. I am surrounded by books and other resources, I am sat on the internet – as a curisous side one the idea that one is ‘sat’ on the Internet or even surfing the Internet is a funny expression to express when the physical movement of ones body is rather minimal and the ideas that we are placing out weight on something quite abstract and is intriguing in the use of the English language and how that has defined scenarios.
This blog is a great deal different in tone to the ones that I have written previously and that is because, again I am at a cross roads and am using this as a means of release. What is the project that I am creating/working on trying to say about the performance scenario. While I can quote Schechner, Baudrillard, Camus, Sartre, Turner or even practitioners who have utilized technology or scenarios for their own work, like blast theory, paul sermon, robert wilson, robert lepage or jeffrey shaw, I can’t seem to find a purpose to creating the work then encompasses the medium, the means and the meaning that I have used and described to have a piece that I wish to present – another subnote that is of interest to me, in no one else. I do not call it a performance, an installations, an anything because of the lack of direction that I feel the form as gone. This all is the cause of my rather confused and incoherent mood on a job that I don’t want to do and yet i love, research that I also love doing but find no fusion in adding together my thoughts/ideas and finding anything other than constructed conversations of any interest and yet I am overwhelmed by continuous conversations about practical matters. For those that I work with and encounter I apologise for this frustrated outburst, I want to spread wings and grasp things that I can not reach – a quote I believe Oscar Wilde said – face challenges that I find difficult to accomplish. Where does this happen – well could be Leicester, it could be anywhere but so often is the case feeling and location are tied together in an experience.
Thank you for listening to my rant, it has been helpful (to me at least) and you may find it interesting to know and understand in the age of the digital information I am not just spouting information.

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